CDC declares gay orgies an ‘essential activity’

ATLANTA, GA — The CDC has updated its list of essential and non-essential activities during a pandemic or epidemic, adding “gay orgies” to the “essential” category.

The CDC officially moved “gay orgies” to the “essential” side of its guidelines for which you can still participate during the spread of a virus, where it joined other activities like “going to dinner at the French laundry.” and “especially peaceful riots.”

“While going to church, work and school will be banned the next time there is a massive outbreak, gay orgies will still be protected activities,” the CDC director said. , Rochelle Walensky. “Some things are sacred, constitutional rights that the government can’t stop you from doing. Things like massive group sex with other gay people. That’s what America is. It’s worth the risk. “

“It is your right – no, your duty – to continue doing this important activity during the spread of a disease that is spread primarily through this activity,” she added.

Democratic leaders say they are considering amending the Constitution to include the right to gay orgies in the document, with many proposing that the Second Amendment be replaced by the new one.

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